I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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