Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
