i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
