Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
