Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
