They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
