I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
