I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
