$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
