Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
