I'm really into asian looking animals
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am midnight drunk by noon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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