As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
