If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just google imaged poop.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
