Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
