I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
