i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize