DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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