I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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