My Higher Power is John Stamos
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
