Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we're so committed to being not committed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
