I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
