i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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