the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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