It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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