If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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