allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
