Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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