Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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