when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
