i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm at about main and main street
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sext me about skeletons
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
