your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize