I want to make a zoo with you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
