alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
