the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
