I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
