Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
