Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
