Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
