I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
