My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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