i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
