your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
