Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
3 2 1 whiskey
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
