some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
