And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
