i don't like sucking hair
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
