my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
