I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
