Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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