Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize