After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
