i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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