Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
