You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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