He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
