i was born a porn star she said
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
