Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
