i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
