Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
