think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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