I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
