I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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