It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
