I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
