Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
