We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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