Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Duck Duck Cougar?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
