Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
