My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
that's an acceptable place to lick
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
