so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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