I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Even my vagina gasped.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
