I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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