we have pet lesbian snakes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
