I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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