Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
