I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
