I want to stick my p in your. b.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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