Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
