I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
