i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
