I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Acid is not a monday night drug
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize