Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
